


Trepidation

by Kid_in_the_spandex



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Ben parker mentioned - Freeform, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Hurt Peter Parker, Hydra (Marvel), Mary parker mentioned, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Peter Parker Whump, Protective Avengers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kid_in_the_spandex/pseuds/Kid_in_the_spandex
Summary: Peter Parker was literally meant to just be a friendly neighborhood Spider man, but when people, civilians and crooks alike are being assassinated at random, Spider man is quick to realize he is in way over his head when his world s flipped entirely on its head.Soon enough Peter is face to face with the man he thought he would never meet and it's so wrong compared to how he dreamed of it as a kid.shitty summary but I swear it's going to be good





	1. Adrenaline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> adrenaline  
> /əˈdrɛn(ə)lɪn/Submit  
> noun  
> a hormone secreted by the adrenal glands that increases rates of blood circulation, breathing, and carbohydrate metabolism and prepares muscles for exertion.

 

Peter Parker in his short 15 years had become acquired to the two types of Adrenaline that his Body created, One being the insane Rush that spread from his fingers to his toes when he shot a web and swung through the city at dusk, his heart leaping with every swing and flip, His eyes wide and excited and his brain overloaded with passion and thoughts, the kind of Adrenaline that only came from insane happiness and pure excitement, that only came from Spider man.

The other was the cold shiver that slowly crept it's way up from his tailbone to his neck, his eyes blank and unseeing, his heart racing and thumping so painfully against his ribs as he took in the sight before him and tried to form words or thoughts, the kind of Adrenaline that only came from grief, rage and a sorrow that musters itself so deep you physically and emotionally ache, that only came from Peter Parker.

And it was at this acquisition that he decided he would only ever desire Spider man adrenaline, never Peter Parker's, not again. And it was days where no matter how hard he tried to shake it off that Peter Parker felt a sorrow so deep it hurts in every way it could, and wished he never was Peter Parker, even if it meant he wasn't Spider man. Because some days he couldn't tell the difference between the two or their Adrenaline. 

* * *

 

_Following the Germany Airport fight, The Accords were amended to suit the needs of Captain America and the " **Rogue"** Avengers, having been arrested on sight before being able to flee to Siberia to catch Zemo, who slipped under the radar and disappeared  as if he was never there. The Winter solider had been taken to Wakanda to be held accountable to his crimes with Hydra and undergo therapy for his mental battles. everything returned to normal and the team were back together again living in the Tower, only after Spider man had crashed the plane that was returning their stuff from the Upstate Compound. Months went by after Peter turned down the spot on the team but it was more and more often that he was staying at the compound now that his Aunt was aware of his, urm, " **Extra-circular activities** " shall we put it? not that the team would ever mind, no they loved Peter and thought of him as a younger brother or nephew, with the exception of Tony who could only ever love peter like a Son..._

 

Peter Parker's life was at it's peak, _so far_ , he would remind himself. School was just perfect as MJ spent more and more time with him and Ned, sure there was the odd comment or trip from Flash but that was nothing in comparison to his grades which were " _Astounding_ "  according to the Principal, Mr. Mortia who awarded him the Overall Academic Excellence cup at half-year Freshman awards Night.  His night was made by the standing ovation that erupted through the school gym, all of the Avengers, including Miss. Potts had attended and cheered the loudest for their little Spider. May even shed a few tears as they had their photo together, the same one that now sat framed, by peters bed in their Queens apartment.

A humble "Well done Kid" was whispered into his ear as they all sat down for dinner that night, He looked up from his plate of Thai to see Tony smiling softly at him. To anyone else it would have been an understatement of his achievement but Peter knew Tony better than that, his words were few but his eyes held immense love and pride that made Peter's  head spin and heart swell that he had earned his Mentor's respect and Time. The Other avengers shouted across the common room to each other as they all ate and laughed, May sat with Pepper at the Island who glanced over to Peter and Tony with a warm smile, seeing her fiancee with the boy made her more happy than they would ever know. Tony and Peter had become inseparable as did her and May who had become close in all the time the team and them spent together. Sunday Dinner was a shared affair and Saturday shopping became a habit neither would admit to

"Do you think he'd be proud of me Tony?", Peter's question both surprised The older man and didn't surprise him. "I don't think Pete, I know. He's watching over you and He's proud, You'll always be his boy and I could never replace that, but where I stand in your life alone I am proud and I can't even begin to imagine the level of delight that your Uncle would have shared with you had he been there today", and with that Peter melted into the embrace His mentor pulled him into on the couch, he always he knew what to say. "Is it alright if I patrol for a few hours? Seeing as May and I will be staying here tonight and I kinda just want some air, not, not that this whole day hasn't been amazing because it has, I just, I just need some time to clear my head and think and maybe patrol wou-", "Peter stop" Tony gently squeezed the boy's shoulders to hush his nervous rambling, "You don't need to justify yourself, it's been a long day and you've earned some spider time" he grinned down at his Protegee. 

The teenager pulled himself out of the grip and stood up slowly, stretching before smiling and walking out of the room to change. Noticing the abrupt silence that followed in his wake and the raised eyebrows, Tony waved his friends off, "He's had a big day and earned some time alone for spider activities". They all smiled knowingly and wandered over to May and Pepper as the room filled with laughter and talking once more

* * *

 

Peter absolutely _loved_ the rush of adrenaline in his veins as he jumped off Avengers Tower and swung into the city, a heavy November rain settled through the the night but he was not to be put off, "What have ya got for me tonight Karen?", his AI would be sure to find trouble with or without rain, "Good evening Peter, Might I congratulate you on this afternoons ceremony?", Peter smirked, fully knowing F.R.I.D.A.Y had been in touch with KAREN,"There is currently an escalating situation in Baisley Park, setting route for fastest ETA now" and with that Peter swung through Queens to get to the source of concern.

 

Baisley Park was a large Park consisting of a large astro-turf for Soccer, a concrete Court for basket ball and a decent sized Jungle Gym of monkey bars, nets, swings, tunnels and slides with hide outs. Carefully dropping behind a plastic yellow slide, he glanced over at two men who both pointed a gun at a kid they  had cornered, a kid who looked his own age. "I'm tellin' ya I don' got ya money, I was robbed back in East Flushing when I headed out for the delivery!" The boy looked scared as he explained to the big thugs before him, "I only got this job to help pay for my sisters tution at Hollis Brookline, it aint cheap and me Ma got three jobs and all!" his thick accent coming out in full as he became more agitated. The bigger of the two men stepped forward menacingly, "I don't give a _Fuck_ if you got jumped in that shit hole estate, you owe me money that would have come from the deal _and_ Money for compensation of lost product"

Peter had heard enough to feel bad for the kid, charging the two men from behind he knocked one over and entered a punch up with the other, taking a few hits before knocking him out cold and webbing him up with his partner, "That's what you get for bringing Kids into your dirty world!", he gave them each a kick for good measure before turning to the now terrified boy, "Hey, hey it's okay, i'm not mad, I get it, I totally get it man" he tried assuring him, "Before I was spider man, and met Mr Stark and the avengers, I did';t have much, me and my Au-" he cut himself off before giving too much away, "me and my parents were a little on the rough side, he gave me a proper civilian job and now we are sussed but I get being desperate, I really do", the Boy began crying at this, "What's your name kid?", "Jordan" was all peter could gather from the stifled cries of the teenager who now began violently sobbing in shame. "Tell you what Jordan, you live round here? Hollis was it? How bout I talk to Mr. Stark and we get you set up with a part time job at Stark Industries, this incident and any before, we don't mention and you can earn a proper and livable amount without putting yourself in danger or Juvi?".

Jordan stared up at Peter, at Spider Man with wide eyes, "Are you serious!? A job there means I could go back to school and me Ma would be able to drop two jobs!", Peter pulled him up and into a hug as he began crying again, "Thank you Spider man, Thank you" His hiccups were quiet as me mumbled into his hero's shoulder.

 

Suddenly Peter's Spider Sense went off heavily, **DANGER! DANGER!** Was screaming in his head as he pulled away from Jordan and looked around wildly, The rain was slowly but surely slowing down,the two men he had apprehended were still out cold and webbed up to the fireman's pole near the end of the jungle gym, both The Soccer field and Basketball court were still full of players, the Soccer being under 10s and the Basketball, a mix of peters age and older. Parents stood watching the soccer match laughing and cheering as a goal was scored, Peter couldn't find a source to his panic.

That is until he turned back to face Jordan who stared at him confused, a few stray tears lingering on his cheeks but a huge smile spread across his face none the less in light of his news. It was the same smile that lasted only a few seconds before a single shot was heard, Peter jumped to the side automatically to avoid the bullet that ripped through ' fore head and flied past his shoulder, narrowly missing him. Screams were heard as More shots began ringing throughout the park. Peter felt suffocated, he couldn't draw in a breath as he stumbled away from Jordan's body which had crumbled face first to the bark. He couldn't comprehend what was happening, The basket players had stopped on the court and simply stared at five of the bodies that had collapsed in single pool's of blood like Jordan had, the ball rolled to the edge of the court before stopping on the edge between concrete and bark. The Soccer field was a more chaotic scene as children screamed in terror and parents shouted, a mass crowd spilling onto the field, parents selfishly praying that it was not their kid, their too young, too innocent child that had just been shot down, why had they been shot, who did, it why did they do it, _why did they do it!?_ Peter could feel the fast and panicked heart beats of at least 50 men women and children, the most chilling was the last few shots that rung out, another several of those heart beats abruptly cut off.

His feet that had felt glued to the spot automatically began moving as he ran toward the court, blood rushing to his hears and blocking the sound of the heart beats much to Peter's relief. His stolen breath returned in short and heavy puffs, barely taking in any oxygen as his muscles pushed and pulled with every move he made. He stopped at the feet of one player, bending down and gently rolling him onto his back, he was a young black man, he wouldn't have been older than 19 Peter guessed, a single bullet hole in his forehead and a constant trickle of blood that leaked down his temple and onto the ground below him, Peter stood up so fast his head swam and his vision blurred as he ran from player to player before he had turned over and checked every Basketball player, their peers stood silently watching as Spider man frantically checked for pulses or any sign of life before he sprinted over to the soccer field. A woman was holding a cellphone to her ear with a bloody hand, Peter couldn't help but notice the blood that was covering the beautiful gold ring on her finger, a _wedding ring_ he realized as he forced himself to look at her position fully, she was kneeling to a man in his mid 40s a young girl stood next to her, clutching her free arm, the man wore a matching ring that now lay in the turf next to him, having slipped off in the fall to the ground. The woman looked up in time to see the masked Vigilante, _spider man_ was supplied by her shocked brain, handing something small and gold to her daughter who tearfully glanced up from her father's body, "Don't look" was choked out from beneath the mask, and with that the girl curled her fingers around her fathers wedding ring tightly as she buried her head into her mothers neck, avoiding the empty face of her dead parent lying at her knees. 

 

stumbling away from the now torn apart family, Peter continued toward the mass of frantic people in the very center of the pitch, as soon as he got close enough he saw a sight that would haunt his dreams for years to come, The bodies of eleven, _eleven children_ were either laying face down in similar fashion or were being scooped up into the desperate arms of parent sand caregivers, another three adults were off to the side behind the group, having never made it to the pitch like the others. Peter was overwhelmed, he didn't know where to start or who to comfort, he couldn't do this, he wasn't a _hero,_ he was just a kid himself, a kid that seemed to have gotten in way over his head as he turned on the spot and ran back to where Jordan laid. out of the corner of his eye he saw that both men he had webbed up from earlier had been shot too. That made twenty one victims. twenty one fatalities. Peter instantly scooped Jordan into his arms, he was far too light for someone their age, a brutal reminder of how harsh his life was, and that's all peter wanted to change, this kid's life, like Tony changed his, and yet he failed him, Jordan was dead, he would never see his sister or mom again, he would never start his new job, or return back to school, ever graduate or marry or have kids or see his sister do so. Sirens could be heard a few blocks away, Peter carried Jordan up the jungle gym to one of the hide outs that faced west, where the sun had begun setting, the rain finally stopped and the clouds had gone with it, leaving a light orange hue over the sky as Peter Parker Held Jordan Kavinsky in his arms, feeling nothing...

* * *

 

That was how Tony Stark found Spider man 20 minutes later, having called a suit to him after receiving a notification from F.R.I.D.A.Y that Peter was in severe distress and required team assistance, 

_"I'm sorry to interrupt your evening Boss but KAREN has just sent me an emergency notification from Peter Parker's suit". Tony stood up from the kitchen Island immediately, "What did she say Fri?", FRIDAY paused before her Irish accent filled the now silent common room, "Mr Parker was apprehending two Drug Pushers that were threatening a young man of similar age to Mr.Parker when shots rang out". Rhodey too summoned a suit as the other avengers suited up to leave VIA quinjet, "Where is he?", "Baisley Park"._

Whilst wishing F.R.I.D.A.Y had warned him of what he would find that evening in Queens, looking back, there could have been no words expressed to prepare him for what the Avengers would find. 6 police cars, 9 ambulances and a line of TV crew vans had the streets surrounding Baisley Park jam packed, the Quin Jet was landed a few blocks away. Among the horror of the scene unfolding before him they split up to find peter, "Where is he baby-girl?", tony muttered in the suit, F.R.I.D.A.Y'S reply was instant, 'Blue Hideout, 3 feet above the playground on the far right side by the tree line boss".

That was how Tony found him, sitting in the last few streaks of light, clutching the body of a painfully thin boy dressed in cheap attire that surely wouldn't have kept him warm in the brisk November air, "Pete?" Tony whispered softly, heart aching at the sight when the boy didn't react, seeming to not have heard him, "Guys I found him, I'm, I'm going to need someone up here to collect a body while I take pete", the reply through the comms was fast and loud, different Avengers asking after Peter's health, which, In all of his honesty Tony could not account for. "I think so" was Tony's short statement to cut them all off. in the end it was Steve that came to carry Jordan away, gently taking him out of peter's strong grip, carrying him down the steps and away from view. 

Sensing they weren't going to get much done here Tony followed in suite, taking peter in the arms, of the suit, except where Steve had take Jordan to the ambulances, Tony took Peter straight to the Quinjet, Calling ahead to Bruce and Pepper who had stayed behind with a nervous May.

 

Peter Didn't remember being carried out of Baisley Park, he didn't remember Tony pulling of his mask, taking his head into his soft hands, forcing his unseeing eyes to look in his, He didn't remember the feeling of a heavy grey blanket being tucked over his shoulders or being pulled into Tony's side with the eyes of worried Avengers on him as they flew back to the Tower. He couldn't recall Cap scooping him up as tony stumbled out of the suit, he couldn't recall Bruce shining a light in his eyes or gentle fingers pressed against his wrist. He wouldn't feel the bed he was carefully pushed onto and he definitely wouldn't feel the needle that was jabbed into his arm, forcing his overwhelmed brain to shut up and his heavy, tired eyes to shut.

 

no all Peter Parker could remember is the screams of young children, shouts of panic from teenagers, the bullets hitting heads of innocents and the happy tears Jordan cried before he was shot, all Peter Parker could  recall is a kid much like himself who had been desperate enough to resort to drug dealing to see his little sister off to a decent school, the Gold wedding ring of a Father and Husband lying in the dirt next to his still warm body. All Peter Parker could feel was the cold shiver that slowly crept it's way up from his tailbone to his neck, his eyes blank and unseeing, his heart racing and thumping so painfully against his ribs as he took in the sight before him and tried to form words or thoughts, the kind of Adrenaline that only came from grief, rage and a sorrow that musters itself so deep you physically and emotionally ache. An Adrenaline he thoroughly despised, one he was all too familiar with, tomorrow would be a day to hate Peter Parker because Spider Man was no hero and neither was he...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holyyy shit, there we go folks, first chapter. it is literally 11:10pm at night and I have to be out by 9am for stuff and I will probably go read after this so this will become a sleep deprived author book very quickly I think! I have had the plot idea for this book fro months now and never had the extras to actually making it a story until recently after watching alot of different non MCU films which have inspired the super dark themes of this book. yeah it's pretty dark pretty fast but what can I say, i'm straight to the point I feel like this was a kinda could lengngth for the first chapter, the more the story developes, the more there is to write so i assure you longer ones are on the way! Sorry to shit over Baisley Park, I'm Irish but living in new zealand, I have no idea what NYC looks like in person let alone this random park i found when googling nyc neighbourhoods. I hope its kinda okay, i used descriptions of NZ playgrounds too but im sure you'll get the jist of it. so this is KITS signing out for tonight, and hopefully chapter 2 will be up in two days if not tomorrow seeing as i am on summer break, pls comment feedback and follow this story to see more! xo


	2. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> empty  
> /ˈɛm(p)ti/Submit  
> adjective  
> 1.  
> containing nothing; not filled or occupied.  
> "she put down her empty cup"  
> synonyms: vacant, unoccupied, uninhabited, untenanted, clear, free, bare, desolate, deserted, abandoned  
> 2.  
> (of words or a gesture) lacking meaning or sincerity.  
> "their promises were empty words"  
> synonyms: meaningless, aimless, worthless, useless, idle, vain, insubstantial, ineffective, ineffectual More

If you were to ask a child what they thought "Empty" meant, they would more often that not associated the word "Nothing" with it, as in 'the bowl is **empty** ', because it had _nothing_ inside of it. Or at least that was how Peter Parker explained it when called upon to do so in is second grade class, "Something that has _nothing_ in it is empty" was the confirmation of approval he got from his teacher. Of course, as a second grader Peter only believed things that weren't alive, _Inanimate objects,_ is what he'd later learn to refer to them as, could be referred to as empty, for one like himself, a boy or girl or grown up was made of tons of tiny and big squishy things that he couldn't pronounce half the names of, he was _matter,_ he was  _full._

But of course only an innocent young child could never understand that life, bodies and "nothings" were a lot more complicated than that, because when he eight years old, half way through the third grade year, His Uncle Ben picked him up at lunchtime, that was the day he first made a connection between " _Nothing_ " " **empty** " and "himself". Quite simply put, despite all of his matter, all of his squishy mushy yucky things all packed into his body, for the first time in his short life Peter Parker felt truly _Empty._ It came as suddenly and as fast as a softball did when he miss-hit during sports the week before, except instead a bruise on his chin, he was Empty, and that hurt more than the ball, and was far more scary than when it flew toward his small face. When the nice police man and woman finally left his house, when his bags were packed and they were ready to leave for the last time, Aunt May and Uncle Ben sat him down to ask him how he felt, and all he could say was " _nothing"._

 

The day he was told that his parents were never coming back wasn't the only time, _the nothing_ drained him, it happened when Uncle Ben was shot in front of him, leaving the 13 year old Empty for months, even during his first ventures as Spider Man. No matter how hard he tried, he was empty, _the nothing_ would take over and he would be just **empty** like a bowl. Those months would never be the last though, it always came back, But only when he was Peter Parker, never Spider Man, God there was a lot to hate about Peter Parker. When he was 14, after returning home from Germany, he swore to himself he would never let Spider Man became **empty** , Spider Man could NEVER be Peter Parker, they had to stay separate...

* * *

 

Waking was never like how it was portrayed in Films, no one ever snuggled down into their bundles of perfectly soft blankets and cushions, stretching slightly before a content smile washed over their face. Well at least Peter Parker never did. In fact Peter came to a sudden conscience rather violently, Sitting up fully in a bed he briefly acknowledged to be his own in the room he often occupied at Avengers Tower, before he could fully take in his surroundings, bile was rising in the back of his throat as the breath was automatically snatched from his lungs. A silver bowl was shoved quickly into his lap just as he gagged and vomited into his lap. He recognized the olive hands of one Tony Stark, reaching behind him to rub circles in his back, "let it all out Pete, you'll feel a bit better after". 

Peter spent the first 5 minutes vomiting into a bowl whilst sobbing on his bed, no this was NOT like the Films. When he felt safe enough to raise his head, it was to accept a glass of water Tony had offered from thin air, they were alone in the room he gathered as much from a quick anxious glance around while Tony removed the offending bowl from his kids lap.

"I watched the Baby Monitor footage of last night "

Peter sat up further, his fingers play with the edge of his duvet as he avoided Tony's gaze, his sobs not faltering. He knew Tony would be disappointed in him, he was too late, he let Spider man freeze, he couldn't save Jordan or any one else from Baisley Park. The mere thought of the park made him choke and gag on his sobs. "I-I couldn't sa-save them, any of them".

"Kid you sensed it but there was no gunman, police FBI and the team thoroughly swept the Park and surrounding neighborhood, road blocks and all. We didn't find anything but the bullets" He pretended to not see Peter's flinch at 'bullets', "Basic 9mm shells, anyone could have got them anywhere in the world". Tony paused to card his fingers through Peters brown curls, stomach turning at the flecks of blood from where he had run his dirtied hands through his hair in panic the night before. "We got nothing kid, they're keeping tabs on usual suspects and shit but they're considering calling national guard if they can't find anything at this rate, not with the massacre in Midtown just 6 minutes later" Peter's hands stopped fiddling as he stared up at Tony, his brown eyes wide with horror, "Th-there was another one the same night!?".

Tony cursed himself before reassuring his protegee, "Kid this is not your fault, there was no way you would have gotten to Midtown in time if you were helping people in Bailsey, trust me. What happened was the beginning of something bigger at play, you couldn't have saved them, the shots were too fast and calculated, too direct, they didn't feel any pain though, Jordan would have only felt happy from what you offered, which by the way, I would have loved to follow through with, he would have been a great kid to work here".

 

Peter just shook his head, sighing Tony changed tactic, "How do you feel?" he asked softly brushing tears from his kids eyes, Peter shook his head again, " _empty_ " was the only word he could find to respond.

* * *

 

It was a somber mood in the conference room when Tony sat down with his team, Pepper and May. "He's in the shower, but he was sick as soon as he woke up and, and he cried for quite a bit". The avengers looked among themselves rather nervously. Bruce was the first to speak up, quick to reassure Tony, "seeing as he was catatonic when we found him last night I wouldn't be surprised if his body reacted as it had last night during the attack, sedating someone like that tends to have those side-affects, he should be fine after his shower when he's clean and woken up some more".

Tony nodded in appreciation at his friends words before running a hand over his face, he had stayed with Peter since Bruce knocked him out with a sedative and refused to sleep in case he woke. "Ross has been leaving voicemails on my cell all night, I don't even know what I would tell him, I've got nothing, there was no evidence left behind but witness reports, bullet casing and fucking bodies".

 "Exactly the same as we found in Midtown" Natasha slid a cream colored file over to Tony and Steve, "The Atrium shopping center was attacked in similar fashion at 5:59pm, just six minutes after Baisley park, a higher body count of 27, 19 women, 2 men and 6 children". Clint raised an eyebrow at this, "the women had a higher toll than the men? is that a coincidence or-", May cut him off, "No Agent Barton it's unlikely an M.O for women, considering it was Women's night at the food court, they had a special dinner and shopping discount for women at Christmas, Pepper and I, well, we were going to go if it hadn't been the same day as Peter's ceremony..." May trailed off looking down at her hands.

Thor cleared his throat, breaking into the silence, "Well then Lady Parker, we should be grateful for your absence at the markets this dusk past, both you and Lady Stark I fear could have met the same fate as these poor mid-gardians". A collective bout of nods went around the room as each person/god held a selfish relief that neither May or Pepper were the ones in that file. "What I find extremely odd about this ordeal", Tony was yet to hear Steve speak since he pried Jordan's body from Peter the night before, "Is that there is no clear M.O or evidence, I mean the bullet casings are a basic universal measurement, anyone from any country could have them! I doubt this will be the only attack, or attacks" he corrected himself quickly. 

* * *

_"Good Morning, I am standing at the corner of one Baisley grove, where just a few feet behind me lies the main street entrance to the Baisley Park which saw true horrors last night when a random attack saw Many Men Women and very young Children dead when shots rang out during a street basketball match and a junior Soccer Tournament. Coincidentally witnesses report the Queens Vigilante, who has now been sighted all over the city, Spider Man bust two drug pushers who were in a confrontation with a young boy, while the police are yet to release a statement about Spider Man's involvement many are suspicious of what the so-called hero was really doing there last night. FBI have set up a hotline for people to get in touch if they know anyt-"_

The TV was insantly muted, Peter sighed and turned to face Tony who was holding the remote, Bruce lingering behind him cautiously, "They're blaming me" another sigh, _"I'm_ blaming me". If there was no one thing Tony expected from Peter that morning, it was not that, that _small_ admission of defeat. Both Him and Bruce stood queit for a couple of beats before Tony shot him down, "You want to fucking do this to yourself, watch shitty news outlets blame you when they weren't there, they didn't hold bodies of children, you did, you went to every victim trying to help, your fucking vital chart was off the roof might I add, but you put aside your own fear and safety, what if more shots came, to ensure every victim was actually dead and if anyone was injured". "Tony maybe less of the anger, I know it's misdirected but does he?" Bruce muttered.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and took a breath before apologizing, "I'm sorry Pete, Brucey is right, that was a total misdirection, none of this is your fault, if they wanna blame Spider Man today let them, because if not tomorrow then soon enough the truth will out". Peter couldn't help the tears that ran silently down his face, if it were any possible he looked younger than 15 in his XL stark industries shirt and the pair of Nike sweatpants, stained with oil from god knows how long ago, that he obliviously stole from Tony's washing pile a some point.

"Aw shit, Kiddo..." was enough for Peter to start sobbing and gasping on the end of the couch cushion. Tony strolled over straight away to kneel before him, "Hey, Hey none of this now, Look at me Pete" but peter just fell further into his sorrow, eyes shut so tight Bruce winced as he looked on from his corner, at a loss abut in desperate need to calm his kid down Tony lifted the boys chin firmly but gently, forcing him to look at him, "Peter Benjamin Parker, for your _own_ sake just open your eyes and breathe".

 

But Peter physically couldn't, it was if his mind had shut down automatically, his chest hurt so badly, he thought his heart would burst out of his skin, _"What the so-called hero was really doing there",_ suddenly his chest didn't hurt so much and he knew no more.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck me sideways this is such a bad book, i had so many greta idea and the more i keep thinking about them, the more they branch off to series or one shots. this chapter turned to absolute shit, but i think i'll leave it here for now because id regret it if i had a developemtn and delted the book. so im leaving this here for me to come back to and work on, but i have other content coming soon, im taking requests for one-shots so if you have a headcannon you want me to do a work on HMU in the comments, im also in instagram @Kid_in_the_spandex where you can dm or comment in a post with a HC, i am a starter up acc so please bear with me as we kick this off


	3. Chapter 3

trepidation  
/ˌtrɛpɪˈdeɪʃ(ə)n/Submit  
noun  
noun: trepidation  
1.  
a feeling of fear or anxiety about something that may happen.


End file.
